A Returning of A One that Must be Loved I

2015 - 2022

These 8 paintings speak. And this song sings.

Painting 1 • Sea Monster

Subliminal activities are hidden deeply with its chemical mechanics wiring more complex than we could grasp, with roots of incidents we mostly choose to look away, and impact us way before we could realize and connect dots to, it is often triggered by events we had strong impressions for, and appear out of the peaceful water surface as a monstrous outbreak.

If subconsciousness is a [unexplainable realm that appear within our reach of experience, but without our ability to control], and objectivity is [an unmeasurable justified law of universe that is freed of the incessantly rendering individual values in this existential world], the un-ness of the unexplainable and the unmeasurable is parallel to the chaos in uncontrollable and freed of individual values, then subconsciousness is parallel to a singleness of objectivity, while the consciousness is parallel to [the subjectivity delivers us the realities we all each uniquely monitors and suppressed].

If subconsciousness is perpendicular to consciousness line with infinite directions on the perpendicular line in the abyss minds of x,y,z (see diagram on the left), then object is a single line perpendicular to a subject line with infinite lines on two sides in the abyss universe of x,y,zAccording to Chinese dream interpreter Duke of Zhou, dreams are ways to connect the dots between subconsciousness and consciousness. The outbreak of subconsciousness happens when the subconsciousness lines up in one string and emancipates upward, in search for release. However, what does it mean then objectivity doing downward, delivering a clearance of chaos. Is it the end of the world? and the beginning of another?

Painting 2 • Partner Ship

The human asked the tree at last: “Which ship sails further? One lead by crazy scientist, One curated by a well educated priest, one directed by an architect? Or one with them all?”

Collaborations often happen in the process of construction, small as a school, big as a civilization, admitting the fact that one can’t do everything all by self outside of one’s field. However, when we are co-existing as individuals coming from different fields, we repulse each other, even denial sometimes. It is probably unlikely that a priest will admit and phrase the overridden influence scientist has thrown on the table in terms of the creation and how

that had manifested the “act of god” human possibly can imagine, while displaying old testament on a big screen with a dynamic mic right in front.

But why not?

Painting 3 • Void in, Void out

Isn’t void the foundation of our existence?  Isn’t it void the silence awaits us when we reach every ends of conversations and ideas? It only seems lighter that we admit it. It will then also seem easier if we make every action of ours a belonging of it. But have you wondered, why making void the void itself? In the gaps of each enlightenment of this void, there’s a small inch of black hole that unwraps the endlessness of void, it is not until that little milliseconds we then discover, what we call, infinity.

On August 22nd, 2015, something had broken in the history of oneself. Not so different from the incident of dinosaurs. We knew one version of it by reading and listening through various medias

and platforms: “Aerolite shoots, temperature drops, darkness in sight, fungus devouring was the fatal blow.” (Keenan) Due to the lack of sunlight, dinosaurs failed to raise their temperature to 37 degrees, while they are true to their “cold blooded” selves, the fungus remain their habit to devour everything around 33 degree. Against odds in this occasions, fungus had their feast of a luxurious kind. Is it coincident that the meteorite just hit the earth? While it is silly or even paranoid to believe there is some kind of fate or “serendipity” behind it, it is dull or perhaps frigid to believe it not.

When a relationship, a personality, a family, a past, a future, a moment, a race, a generation, a world is destroyed, time does not just stop there. There is much to come later, as long as the 3rd narratives still alive, the camera still rolls, the story continues. It does not have to be the group of us, or both of us, or even the whole of “I”, a single cell can dance. In this scene, when humans are eradicated, the bodies are gone, the conciseness return its state to chaos, though each occupied a corner of  this seemly grand void universe, it contemplates, as it eminently wishes so.

Then we know, the distance between endlessness and infinity, is it a just a wish, a calling, a want.


In another word, tumor cells camouflage themselves and the immune system has hard times distinguish it out of the mass. And the post-camouflage phrase is the fact that tumor emerged from the our body, it is often grown from an ancestor cell that carries genetic mistakes, and it has the evolvement probabilities for that “genetic mistakes”.  We describe tumor as the demons because of their high reproduction, also because their ability to rewrite nutrition resources and engineer its own stem structure for adaptation, and the abilities may vary from cells to cells, from person to person. Does the cell carried its target’s intellectual DNA?Look inside of ourselves, the embodiment deviates from us cater a drive to survive, that drive might be a pain, that pain might be a baffle, that baffle might be between nature and disciplines, that disciplines might be an evolvement of nature, another manifesto of deviation. And until the time deviation devours us, render us, the original form might never be too far, leaning, watching, performing its driest hope, to a wettest dream.

Painting 4 • Tumor

“When it exceeds the weight of inner pain, it could be seen on a body”

Hidden deviation got a little kick out of the accumulation, forming the appearance of organism that puts cold-heart consumption as its biggest religion,  gaining prosperity along with its strong ability to accommodate and camouflage.

“cancer cells look almost exactly like our cells....they can hide right in plain sight, and that’s the challenge”(Tumor evolution, Keenan).


Painting 5 • Bird Sung

The tree, where the roots are deep and bushy, like wild women’s genital hair. Is likely to be ridden of, using a shaver or an excavator.  And the bird sung:

What is love?
Love because of their characteristics and background?
love because of its regardlessness?

What matters? When you see beauty but it got you heart ripped? When you see chaos but feel intensely secure?

Live like it’s the last day is a cliche, but a good one indeed, try and see, and the answer you will get is just “how are you”, but an honest one, a desperate one, a one that deserves to be loved.

Painting 6 • “MAMA!”

“CC” the last child shouts out, it pierces through crumbling space and grey coded lands. Ruins fell on she/he/their/its head( simplified here as “da” coz of the uncertainty in this case). The body slowly weakens while burying. A little stream of tear flows down the corner of da eye.

It is no secret that modern human lies. We hide. Facts, motives, even emotions. It is silly not to bear the outcome of the honesty, because we are already. This phenomenon does not project sensation, perception and conception to others fairly, thus it elongates the process to build up a healthy system, else paralyzes or aggravates the fall of a system. However it is exactly

emotions that define the livings from machines. It is a direct support of intention, else conflicts that introduce the tumor of the unspeakable.


Then what role does instinctive reaction play here in this ontological time poop?

It is a process of unlearning. It’s a shot to decentralized our body and drop from the strategies we came upon to modern “problem solving”, while the problems themselves often times based on false; instinct calling is to shout ”stop” for a tiny millisecond of the universe to the advanced body we have prompted to render so many times, wrapped in new reality and swamp ourselves for further deviation.

Daily emotions are being rendered nowadays and are under surveillance and control, however instinctive emotion differs from it, it is the best wishes from our ancestor or designer whoever might be, and is waiting for us to derail.  

Painting 7 • Tear Down Boundaries

Landscapes, which are space, in which we are wrapped in our own perceptions of occupation, deeply affect, or often times restrain our imagination to reach beyond its doorsteps. However, Physical boundaries are usually transformed to mind boundaries. This implicates great potentials for both limited and expanded reach of accommodation and adaptation. “CC”’s tear drop flows down the landscapes, is a symbolization of crossing over boundaries that block our vision to see far, with shameless sincerity. We break the boundaries of limited and expanded visions to possibly open up the capacity of communication and thus construction, however such almost maternal trajectory often were practiced into isolation and destruction.

Sharing a fortune cookie proverb: we pass on concerns on others with their actions, concern on us by our intentions.